Azhar & Sharina

Dear Me,

In love, it takes 2 hands to clap. That is what I feel personally. If one party does not put in effort, how will the other feel? She/he will feel like crap. That is very obvious and natural. 

I still remember Sharina going to my house from Paya Lebar to the extreme West of Singapore to see me. I remember the birthday presents she gave me, the sweet little gifts that she presents me nicely, the sacrifices she made, the sincerity in doing stuff for me, buying the chicken breasts for me, so on and so forth. It would be endless to list down the great things she has done!

I am a rough person I do not deny that. Like most couples, each of us will not agree to certain values that their partners have. One might treasure animals and promote animal wellbeing, but the significant other might not put that value up in his values list.

This is very normal. The important thing is there is a need compromise and respect. Once that boundary is crossed, conflict will occur, which happens to me and her many times. 

Hitting a child, to me it is really okay and fine, if our intentions is good and if the kid has gone too far in his behaviour. Maybe it is different brought up by our parents.

When I was young, I was constantly caned and hit by my mom. Even so, I still felt respected and loved by her, because she has NEVER caned, criticised, hit, jilted her sons in front of others. I felt I was somehow protected and I knew the real reason behind the caning was to correct us and not to torture. Some might have a different view on this, but we need to respect their opinions.

Sharina does’nt believe in hitting kids as much as I do, and I totally respect her opinions due to her valid reasons like psychologically scar and so on. 

From here we can see how our minds think and how our past shape us. The experience that we have when we were young influences us as we grow older and mature. We bring whatever we learn and drill them into our brains and act on them subconsiously. 

I was helping my mom cook when I was 5 years old. I used the mortar and pestle to grind chillies to be made into chilli shrimp paste. I cut onions and garlic to prepare for meals. When I grew older I helped with the household chores like vacuum and mop the floor. If I did not do that, I would be severely punished. Then again, my mom used to tell me doing the chores were part of discipline and when I lived alone, I would be able to cope by myself.

When I was 16, I worked at my uncle shop as a prep “chef” after my O levels. My job was to cut tons of onions, vege, garlics, and prepare a lot of stuff to be laid down on the table when the shop opened at about 6am. I started work at 10pm every night till 8am the next day. That is 10 hrs per day. Being the kiasu me, I started work at 8pm, and that was additional 2hrs for my uncle.

The first time I entered the fray, I cut my hands, severed my nails and so on. It was painful, but all the drilling that my mom patiently taught me on how to be persistent, determined and strong, managed to get me through psychologically.

Working there will suck for many people. I have seen uncles and aunties who were my colleagues quit their jobs due to the fatigue and low pay check. I did not think of quitting because I did not know how to. I was young and maybe I was afraid to look like a pussy if I quit. Of course there were times when I was really tired and told my boss that I was sick so I could get a rest for a day. Working there required me to be up and running 7 days a week with no rest. 

I worked there for 2 to 3 solid months. The biggest lesson that I had was to chop and cut things really fast. Another one would be serving customers and organizing your products properly. I left the place with a happy heart because I got to quit that terrible job.

When I was in Poly, I worked as a cleaner at Turf Club. My colleague taught me on how to clean the toilet really fast, and up till now, I still remember on how to do it. Take a hose and spray on the whole floor with detergent. Take a scrub and scrub the toilet bowls till there is no visible faeces. If you see urination, just wipe it with a mop or cloth. The motive here was to make the toilet look presentable, cleanliness counts later. Trust me on this, and I know many cleaners in our toilets are still abiding by this rule. When customers bet on horse race, they often spit on the air conditioned room on the floor despite signs on not to do it. When they spit, I take a dry mop and wipe them off. Again, the purpose is not to clean it, but to make the floor presentable again, so people have a grand illusion of fake cleanliness.

I worked there for probably 2 months earning $5.50 per hour approximately 5 hrs per session. That would be like 29 bucks per session, and I had to work like 2 to 3 days per week. I was delighted with the pay as I got 2 dollars per day in Poly, not enough for a whole day’s meal there.

So whenever I had lunch with friends, I would be queueing up for the cheapest meal, and that was mee soto(1.20 bucks). I saved the 80 cents or bought a drink. I must say I had really low esteem during this period when my friends were all dressing up well and eating non stop. But deep in my mind I still knew I still had mom that I loved and I knew she was going to prepare meals for me. That thought soothed my mind a bit. Not ALL moms cook for their kids, I tried to convince myself, but did not really did the job haha. So, I tend to mix with friends who had nothing to do but to go to the lab and surf websites. I had a freaky obsession with table tennis, so I would surf the website for information. Life was a bit mundane for me though back then.

After poly, I had a break before Army. Then, I joined Regent Hotel to be their Houseman cum Waiter. I went and worked for 4 months. There, I learnt the ropes and skills to prepare wedding banquets, hotel meetings, setup tables, where to put your forks and plates, and retrieving foods from the kitchen. The guys there were superb, I thought I had fun there, I really do. It was a back breaking job and at times I worked from 7am to 9pm. Time really flew really fast as we constantly had loads of things to do. Lunch/dinner was free and mingling with my colleagues were fun. I love the rush and heart pumping action when we had guests around, and I was in charge of topping up the water station and made sure all the food was there. I love liasing with the waiter and kitchen staff and the tasks satisfied me. I was taught how to pour beer to the glasses properly and not let it overflow so on and so forth. Even though it is not correct to do these tasks as Muslims, I did them anyway, and that was an experience. I did not serve the guests though, only tried pouring them. I made some grave errors and I got shouted at and criticized by the captain, and I could not believe I cried as it was hurtful. As man as I was, my heart still got scarred by his actions.

As I got into army, I learnt the importance of carrying balls and bullshitting to survive. Trust me, in a large organization, backstabbing occurs in a blink of an eye. The ones that you think you can trust are ones that are able to do these heinous crimes to you. Take my words for it, especially when there are times when opportunity to get promoted arises. Good friends become foes, enemies become your allies. A very common thing to experience. A way to counter this, is to just be positive, and not backstab the other party back. The truth will unfold. Life in the army was okay, not too bad and not too good either. I was in charge of stores and if the storemen screwed up, I got screwed too. More often, the guys will be chilling out voiding of responsibility. But whatever it was, I still got the Best Soldier award and Silver for IPPT which was an achievement for me considering I was a downgraded personnel without any training at all to boost up fitness. My camp was also a reservist unit, whereby we support those who have already ORD. Reservist unit is one of the more chilled and cool place for army personnel to get posted to. Units like Infantry Unit is one that is not so chilled but rather more enthusiastic and Xiao On.

The End, I will continue the story on some other day.